Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize