OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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