i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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