i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
PANTIES FOUND
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