I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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