they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
