he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
A bitchslap is in order.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
