WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize