Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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