my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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