I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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