You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize