I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
