I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
