when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
did i just pee glitter
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