he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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