Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Acid is not a monday night drug
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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