who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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