This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
