make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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