He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
