tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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