I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
