hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
