Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
