I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
