It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
