u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
