i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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