I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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