I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
