You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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