I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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