I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
