College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
