Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
