Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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