You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
