benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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