I feel great
I just peed on a car
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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