i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
