I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
