Umm I'm too high to move.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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