I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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