google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
