It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
