please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
