When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize