you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
