Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
