so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
