my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
