I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish you could order shots online.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Semen is not good for contacts.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
