porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
