whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
