I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
