why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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