No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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