I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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