Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
