If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
