oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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