bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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