You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
