I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
