her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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