Swine flu. Run for my life!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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