we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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