in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
