Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
