That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
