you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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