Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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