I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
