Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As shirtless as possible
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
