I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
