i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
