She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he thought i was a dude.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
