So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize