don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
