Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A bitchslap is in order.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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