At least make sure they are 18
Why
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
