Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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